Morgan: Church of the Almighty Dollar
The Morgan Creed
Poverty is a Mortal Sin and Wealth is The Revealed State for Everlasting Grace.
The Morgan Church is God’s Holy Will on earth. The Morgan Church and Stock Exchange is the Lord’s holy altar that unites Christianity, Islam, and all religions of the world to the will of the one true and just God.
Extraordinary wealth accumulation will purchase life everlasting with the Lord, on earth, and in an affordable location.
Worship the Lord thy God, every minute of every day by being productive, for it propels true believers further from death’s door.
Every effort not spent earning an estate capable of providing an everlasting annuity is wasteful and thus a mortal sin and fatal.
There are great burdens in life, but none greater than the sin of poverty, an unnatural existence that carries with it the horrible penalty of premature death.
There is no paradise but for the paradise that true believers invest in on Earth.
God is all powerful and He challenges your Faith every day. To prove yourself , the Lord requires a quid pro quo; a Tithing, for only in tithing is there an essential demonstation of faith and the greater the tithe, the greater will be the Lord’s demonstration of his glory. In all that you earn, pay the Lord first and you will receive His blessing, His bounty, and, in everlasting life, a thousand fold return on your investment .
Church Background
In the latter quarter of the twentieth century, at the tail end of what would become America’s First Republic, the great, important beliefs of true faith created a natural empathy that drew Fundamentalist Evangelical Churches and Entrepreneurial Business leaders into a god-loving corporate alliance of blood-brothers tasked to take back America from free spending Satanist Socialist Progressives in order to protect America’s God-given assets and her future greatness.
Together, these two great forces for good created an electoral plurality that sent a majority of good faith conservative Christian politicians to Washington to perform the yeoman work of rolling back decades of perversion, the harvest of sin and of waste, the putrescent onslaught on a great Christian Nation brought forth by tax-and-spend Liberals, Socialists, Atheists, Aborters, and queers and their fellow travelers.
But then the global climate began to act in unpredictable ways and enough loved ones died to convince too many conservative voters that those denying science might not be attuned to God’s wishes while others still saw it as the beginning of the end of times and they were reassured.
Ironic as is it seems today, while climate change was foretelling the end and God’s coming and disasters were cutting so many lives and revenue streams short, the American life sciences industry began cracking the code for everlasting life and so the dream of God and heaven was diminished in those who could afford to give forever a run and by the conflicted righteous who weren’t sure how they felt about meeting God in the flesh, here on earth.
As a result of these travails, the glorious Conservative-Christian political alliance foundered leading to political defeat, the return of Progressive rogues with satanic intent, and the Ship of State foundered once again.
At all cost, the Holy alliance must reform for it is imperative that we save America, take it back from evil Progressives who never truly understood the honor of being an American—white majority, male-dominated, Christian and all business, all the time. We are God’s chosen people and thus America must be the land our founders created not the one Socialists and Commies stole after infiltrating the Democratic Party almost 150 years ago.
What was needed was a Holy Political War with the Church of Morgan in the lead, re-establishing Christ’s voting majority by merging the core beliefs of a blessed majority of God-loving incorporated business persons and a Prosperity Gospel for the people to live by and work by in order for God’s chosen to regain the power and remake America into the paradise envisioned by our Founding Fathers guided by Alexander Hamilton and renewed by the Most Blessed Ronald Reagan.
Today, victory is ours. Americans, in their hearts, in their minds, and in their financial transactions now hold the Morgan Church of the Almighty Dollar most dear for we represent Our Most Modern Lord and savior and our Church is his chapel, his revered Earthly marketplace.
The Most Perfect Gospel
(Summary) Courtesy of Saint Thomas Morgan, Founder, the Morgan Church (and Stock Exchange) of the Almighty Dollar
In the beginning, there was survival of the fittest, the Capitalist world; fierce, relentless, and unforgiving. That world continues and unless committed to Capitalism through Christ, body and blood, as is always the way with creative destruction, the world will chew a nonbeliever up and spit him out. The way to God, by design, must be difficult and productive work, and it is not for the slothful. But the Lord is compassionate and so he brought forth his final form of Christianity, the Morgan Church, to prepare his Chosen Financial People for life everlasting in his presence. And he chose me as his last Messiah, a role I most humbly accept.
But even with God’s assistance, it is harder to start a religion than it is to create a profitable business because Americans are conservative and as such, new and better doesn’t sell in theology nearly as well as properly marketed products and services sell in commercial markets, though there are great similarities.
Starting a religion is even more difficult if you are an atheist, which I was until that fateful night that God came into my life.
Until that glorious night in my Executive office at U.S. Angs, the leading food intermediate manufacturer in the United States, my career was far outside the theological—or so I thought. But that fateful night, the Holy Spirit finally entered my soul and illuminated my life and what it showed me was beyond startling. My business career was precisely what God intends for us all! That He wants wealth for mankind, that He wants what I believe, it felt like a miracle and immediately I reconsidered my atheist ways and I have never looked back or had a moment of doubt or soul searching. My faith in the Lord’s economy is that strong.
In my Gospel, I tell you gladly how my soul became infused with the holiest of holies but I caution you, disbelieve at your peril for if you are not of us, your life on God’s money-green, gold, and silver earth is doomed to be short and sad, and whatever appreciation you earn on your assets will be short-lived compared to forever, a true believer’s life span. You will live a life limited to the quest for a false paradise of your own imagining and you will end your days like a glutton arriving too late at a feast.
For those who believe in the Lord and dedicate their life to achieving a true financial paradise, who never doubt that God is with you, forever here on Earth at a location of your choosing, that is your reward. The Great Market Maker has that power and he has spoken to me and so this I know to be true.
The Life and Times of St. Thomas
U.S. Secretary of the Treasury/Messenger of God
I was born in Philadelphia, a First Republic city near current Franklin Town, Pennsylvania. I grew up during the Great Depression and prospered as a key member of the Capitalist boom generation that followed the World Wars and gave birth to the various Industrial Complexes that drove America to economic greatness. As God’s defenders of the world and its economy, Americans, then, knew no limits and the world quaked at our military, economic and moral superiority.
After graduating from Liberty College with a degree in Economics, I received my Master of Business degree at Drexel Tech (Now the A. J. Drexel International University Complex). I spent two years as an apprentice in a small stock brokerage, learning the ropes. After earning my Doctorate in Behavioral Economics from Chicago University I spent a year at the Sorbonne nurturing international business connections and paying for the privilege from the profits gleaned from my innate feel for clients.
Post Sorbonne, I returned to America to build my portfolio, first at AIG, then Bear Stearns, until finally clawing my way into the Capitalist Mecca at Goldman. During that time, I fell in love with the dynamics of free markets and the wondrous world of capital with its unique ability to make one truly free.
Though I didn’t know it at the time, God, who truly works in mysterious ways, intended for me to try my hand in the rapidly deteriorating production side of the U.S. economy. He made my choice clear, first manifesting it in boredom and then in circumstance. When I resigned, my mentors at Goldman thought me crazy, but God clearly did not. As it always is for gifted Capitalists, God rewards hard work, connections, and stockpiled wealth and He propelled me toward my great purpose in life.
Tom Gorman
I met Tom Gorman at a Libertarian convention in Bermuda. He was a bit of a pill—that never changed—but together we developed a purr tasting twenty five year old single malt scotch at a pink, yellow, and blue bar on a cliff overlooking the rocky shore of an emerald sea.
Soon enough, we realized the anagrammatical nature of our names and with the ice broken; Tom proceeded to pitch his need which was for a great deal of money to buy out the aged Korns, Isaiah and Bernadette, who unfortunately for him, had survived the mismanagement of their company by their children and grandchildren. With no one to turnaround the corporation that the Korns had built in defiance of the Roosevelt New Deal, the droughts, incessant taxes and regulation, and whose profits they needed to fund their indulgent retirement lifestyle, Tom believed that he was in a great negotiating position to leverage the business.
The Korns
The Korn business had great potential. That’s what my sources at Goldman told me. America was populated by the obese and so any carbohydrate manufacturer was a cash cow, particularly the Korn’s business because consumers who are hell bent on a sugar rush, don’t associate America’s noble corn plant with the crap that rots their teeth and swells their jowls. Here’s a little known fact. When the Pilgrims arrived in America, the corn kernel the natives ate was two-thirds protein, today it is two-thirds carbohydrate. That says everything about food science and profits in God’s world.
I’m not some mystical shaman deranged after being extruded through some horrible Capitalist ordeal who found God in desperation and despair. Nor am I a failure in any way measured by man or God. In fact, I am rational and a very, very successful Capitalist in every way the world views success. So going God, for me, didn’t fill a perceived need.
Tom Gorman was the head of Sales and Marketing for the Korns and together we formed U.S.A. Natural Grain Stuffs, LLC. We purposely kept corn out of our name to insure that if Progressive media or the Socialist government in their vindictive way tied the carbohydrates in corn to a myriad of maladies or why conjectured in public why each generation of American was becoming more obese, our company’s name wouldn’t immediately indict us and that would give our lawyers the opportunity to mitigate the risk.
That’s what I do. I plan for every contingency. That may sound arrogant but to a Capitalist, surprise costs money. Besides, majority stockholders hate surprises and I kept my job by keeping them happy.
Andy Crelli
As owners now of a large corporation, Tom Gorman and I fought the Government’s Progressive, Socialist view of business. In doing so, we became avid supporters of Andrew Crelli. Tom met him in a bar in Chicago when Andy was just beginning his business career with the international business consultancy, Sanderson and Co. Tom came away very impressed and he introduced Andy to me. At the time, Andy had neither his great fortune nor his Forbes Fifty corporation but it was clear he was going places few dared to go. We followed and funded his ascent, helping where we could until 2032 when Andy became President in a dominating electoral victory over incumbent President Parrington and his Socialist Democrat Party. I am certain that Andy was aided in his ascendance by God though the Angs Super Pac helped a great deal, too.
Andy asked me to be his Secretary of the Treasury. At first I balked. The last nine Secretaries were from Goldman and though they had done great jobs, unfortunately their noble efforts set the public against the financial world and I wasn’t done there yet, or so I thought. I explained that to Andy but he convinced me to join his Cabinet anyway.
In spite of the good work done by my predecessors at Goldman, the Democrat Party with Socialists and Commies everywhere had so screwed up the economy that Doomsday Preppers had become an important voting bloc of the Republican Party. I took over the Treasury knowing that it was time, once again, to ignore the people, misguided as they were by the lame-stream media who had no idea how economies work and how much better the poor live when the wealthy are unbridled and compensated handsomely for facilitating markets.
I worked night and day to untangle and free our markets, to redistribute funds from social programs to repay the debt and deficit and generally to reduce every anti-Capitalist regulation I could find. To be fair, my Socialist predecessors were smart and it wasn’t easy to unearth all of the constraints they placed on Capitalism that ever yearns to be free.
Apocalypse Now!
Until Andy’s election, God’s wrath against our Commie Government had caused him to smite our cities, financially, and local governments were failing in greater numbers. While the Federal Government spent and taxed and spent, the States could no longer fund a mandate of any kind, and productive capacity everywhere was being disabled by taxes and Government supported unions. Even sophisticated financial instruments were no longer yielding premiums commensurate with their risk and so capital markets compressed around the world.
In city after city, liberal politicians and bureaucrats, having sown the whirlwind were desperate to save their jobs and careers so they invested what budgets remained from the little tax revenue collected in the riskiest of ventures hoping to get lucky before their next election. Services were curtailed and fireman, police, and teachers were sent home to brood on the true cost of Satan’s unions and the great harm they had caused America.
Goldman LLC, Gelade, LLC, and the rest of the financial community employed the sharpest math and marketing minds and so they had inserted significant penalty clauses into municipal contracts allowing them to avoid inevitable losses which bypassed the Partners and fell on the cities, who disposed of their risky derivatives at great loss. Liquidation Theory was at work. The beast that was America’s Socialist government was being starved and brought to its knees. It was time for God-loving Conservatives to put the beast to death and save America for all time.
By my second year, through the voting power of the Entrepreneur Party that now held sway in Congress, we privatized Social Security, Medicaid, Food Stamps, and a great many other entitlements forcing them to become profitable or disappear. We privatized Health Care and profits soared, flowing back into the private sector and we applied zero-base budgeting to the Defense Industry and the stock market boomed.
There was citizen outrage egged on by the Progressive and Socialist lame-stream media and by unprincipled politicians desperately seeking hearts and minds they could turn into votes even if that killed America, once and for all. We fought it. Our courts ratified the laws while our Congress was very careful to inflict the minimum punitive damage possible on the financial community and there was unspoken promise of reward in the new future for those who stayed the course.
Cities went dark and throughout the country, schools closed, public transportation disappeared, and police and fire service were curtailed as city managers scrambled to maintain the lowest possible profile they could afford, which wasn’t much. For all our efforts, Liquidation Theory takes time to burn out all the waste and inefficiency in order for a new and better economy to bloom and America was dying. Andy desperately needed a solution.
Tycoon
I have a friend. His name is Dan Burghe and he answers to the nickname Carny Dan. Carny Dan earned his nickname as a modern day Circus tycoon. After the deluge of 2008-2015, when real estate in America tanked, He utilized his vast Circus wealth to purchase Detroit. He renamed the usable portion of it, Hamilton, and turned it profitable. When he acquired Detroit, it wasn’t worth the land it was built on but today, Carny Dan is a Capitalist legend, a proud example of what private capital can do that government cannot.
But Hamilton was a decade away and the country was facing a rapidly deflating economy and infrastructure that was decaying at a noticeable rate. Our citizens weren’t happy but they were doomed to remain where they were. This is not so of our Entrepreneurs who took their capital and left in droves. Citizens are easy enough to mollify, even in the worst times, but business relations are trickier. Majority Stockholders and Boards of Directors know the score and though they lie facilely enough, they cannot be lied to.
So here I was steering the third largest and rapidly tanking economy in the world and I was burning the candle at both ends, more frazzled than normal. And the President was waiting impatiently for answers.
The Return to the Mountain
The United States of America was once the greatest economy the world had ever seen. We made wonderful things, things people needed and some they didn’t and we marketed smartly and successfully enticing the world to live as we wanted them to live. They bought what we were selling and the result proved the great glory of Capitalism. America’s great entrepreneurs reinvested their profits so that the cycle would repeat, unending. Those glorious days seemed over.
At the end of the First Republic, in a wild frenzy of egalitarianism, America’s economy morphed into a casino-like environment where any Tom, Dick, or Mary could live like an Entrepreneur, though not for long. Forced to fund this Socialist hysteria in order for Conservatives to maintain a working minority in Congress, Entrepreneurs took on the funding of this suicidal social risk and passed it off anywhere they could. But egalitarianism knows no limit and there simply isn’t enough victory in this world for everyone. That is why the Socialist, Democrat Party began to redistribute wealth to make it appear that the masses could be appeased in pyrrhic victory.
In that super-heated market, risk mitigation was essential and so financial entrepreneurs created myriad commercial instruments to act as insurance. They hedged, speculated, and arbitraged anything to squeeze an ounce more from every transaction, knowing they were adding no real value except to their bottom line. They created credit default swaps and speculative hedge funds, they leveraged buy-outs and developed tools that bankers or brokers or banker-brokers would need to avert the future denigration of American Capitalism.
I don’t know who said it, but it’s true, “In debtor nations, God and lenders are kings.”
Taxes had always been too high limiting marketplace incentives and an inexorable government bureaucracy long ago created a unending tax and tariff burden on American products and services that stifled domestic and international demand. Now, reduced demand forced actions that further reduced costs that further reduced demand in an economic death spiral. And while all of this was occurring, special interest groups demanded an entitlement economy that would reduce the pain as if adding dead weight would lighten the load.
For the final quarter century of the First Republic, China was our lender-in-chief and the 800 pound gorilla that was always in the room. But China too was in a deep, dark recession and her people, always loosely affiliated, weren’t happy with the current state of the Middle Kingdom so their Socio-capitalist government began making heavy demands on us to repay our debt, even sailing one of their new, state-of-the-art stealth cruisers up the Hudson River on maneuvers to select targets. China wasn’t interested in the calculus of financial derivatives that had become necessarily impenetrable. They wanted their money.
This was what Andy was addressing at a morning press conference and he needed a framework from his Secretary of the Treasury to convince the markets that he had control of the situation. I had ben working sleepless nights to discover a calculus that would work, at least in the short term.
God is Great
My background is so technical that I have little time for anything else. I read formulas like women vacationing around a swimming pool read great summer novels.
I’m aware of Christian Churches and some of their marketed benefits. For a few months as a child I attended a Calvinist approach to religion and I get exposed to theology regularly on the job when I have to justify their tax exemption in troubled economic times. I applaud their Prosperity Gospel and I occasionally watched the Dove Awards, the Grammy Awards for religious music because they do very good work marketing for profit even if the Gospels they laud leave me cold.
So here I was, working well after midnight, staring at a graph on a screen, trying to work out endless iterations to discover something that would bend the curve upward after years of decline. The screen became a fog and so I set the computer alarm for ten minutes, closed my eyes, and tried to conjure in my mind the graph bending up and up and trying hopelessly to manufacture a relevant scenario from deep within my brain that would cause that to happen. I don’t know how long I slept through the alarm but when I wiped the burning weariness from my eyes, the computer screen showed the graph as if my mind ordered it. The curve was bending upward!
I was stunned. I stared at it overlong and then clicked on the data. Something wasn’t right so I checked and rechecked. I rechecked the math but nothing obvious had changed yet the curve was bending up and when I checked three years and beyond, forecasted growth soared higher than at any time in America’s history! What had changed? I needed time but dawn had arrived and time was fast running out. My President needed a response, not a curve.
My office was secure as was the cloud and my computer. I was fearful because electronic terrorism was becoming more common and it was quite destructive so I double-checked. The Department of Homeland Security (HomeSec) confirmed that there could be no breach so here I was with that exhausted-excited feeling that people in my position thrive on, and I began to dissect the work. I changed a variable, minimally, to make sure the system was functioning. I made my change—but then it self-corrected back to the preferred value. That piqued my interest so I drank a cup of Angs Pharma Enhancer and paged through the solution, in detail, noting that when parameters had been changed from my original presentation to this new, preferred on, there were footnotes yet no one knew econometrics like this but me. No one could do this.
Excited and yet concerned, I read through the footnotes and I realized that whoever had broken through knew what the hell they were doing. I am never schooled so I went through my list of the world class economists and one by one ruled everyone out. But there was no doubt. This wasn’t some newcomer. Few had the experience, the depth, the long view, and fewer still understood the higher order math in such a dynamic way. Of the most likely, none had the security or could breach it undetected and if they had that capability, they would have a Nobel Prize, too, maybe even mine. I was at a loss.
Then I came to the variable that had been changed significantly, the one that created the answer and I read the footnote:
“Poverty is Original Sin and the only way to save My Chosen People from this economic death spiral is by surgically reducing America’s population by 100,000,000 sinful people.”
Of course! Whoever did this was right. With the population of America reduced by the one hundred million poorest, least productive, lowest potential, America would prosper again, grow and become the country it once was. One hundred million had to be removed economically beginning with the poorest, those who burden society most by being alive. And the reductions must continue until the American economy has turned around. The footnote concluded with:
Poverty is original sin and those who have accumulated no wealth are not my Chosen People.”
It was signed, The Lord.
Sweating now, but smiling, too, I wondered who had the ego to call himself that.
The monitor went blank and then a deep, distorted voice rumbled through the speakers.
“You are welcome.”
Startled, I replied, “Thank you.” And then instinctively I asked, “But how do we sell the execution of a hundred million people to the other four hundred million?”
The speakers vibrated a response, “It is a mortal sin to be poor. Tell My people that, and say to them that life without wealth isn’t worth living. For those who have chosen wealth, there is life everlasting. Tell them. Start a religion and sell that. I am the Lord, thy God and I want my Chosen People with me forever but it takes money. Thus sayeth Your Lord.”
To this day, I ponder that hallowed event. I was given a great responsibility and a difficult task. It wouldn’t be easy and but for the comfort of The Lord, the worship of the Holy Dollar and the Morgan Church, Americans would never have been saved and America would never have been God’s Promised Land.
That the heretic, slothful, and infirmed gave their last measure so that America would once again be the commercial leader of a free and Christian world did not make them heroes. They are gone now and good riddance. They can no longer harm our economy and, in poverty, blaspheme against the Lord.
Ever after, God appears to me when economic issues of great import surface concerning agriculture or banking, or international finance or even some more exotic financial hedging algorithms and derivatives needed to accelerate the American economy. God is with me like he is with all Capitalists and his solutions never waver, they are always optimal.
Over time, my relationship with the Lord developed and grew stronger. Our meetings became less conversational and more Socratic but it was clear to me that this was the Lord speaking with me, providing me with the most extraordinary economic and financial detail.
If you want more detail, that information will cost you more.
The Morgan Freemarket Prayer
The Market and the people are one and the same
Hallelujah;
Buying, selling, and consuming is the true democracy
Hallelujah;
Popular will is expressed through the law of supply and demand
Hallelujah;
Populism is market economics
Hallelujah;
Opposition to the verdict of the market is elitism
Hallelujah;
The Nations and the Peoples shall rejoice
Hallelujah;*
God the market is Great;
Amen
*Music and lyrics by Kevin Phillips, Wealth and Democracy
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